Friday, 4 July 2008
A mathematician ,logician ,physicist and a engineer are traveling in a train, they see a some cows grazing
Physicist : look there so many black cows.
Mathematician :No, actually there is at least one black cow in that group.
Logician : No, No, don't get confused , there exist at least one cow whose one side is black.
Engineer : Look, there lots of sheep :P
One Mathematician to another : Do you believe in one god ?
Answer : Yes , but up to isomorphism.
How many engineers it takes to put a new bulb ?
Answer : One , himself
Houseabzar's( A professor whose existence is proved) proof of Cayley's theorem : Every matrix satisfies its characteristic polynomial
Kudh ka satisfy nahi karega to kiska karega ?
When someone asks a mathematician, a physicist and a engineer to prove all natural numbers are prime, how do they go about it.
Mathematician : 2 is a prime, 3 is a prime so by induction all natural numbers are prime.
Physicist : 2 is prime , 3 is prime , 4 experimental error , 5 is a prime and we have proved that all natural numbers are prime with 25% error.
Engineer : 2 is prime, 3 is a prime , 4 is a pirme ,5 is a prime , 6 is a prime and so on
Tuesday, 24 June 2008
Animal Activist : Its wrong to keep Animals in cages.
Hammer : Some animals get more space and different food than others.There is no equality ,We will launch a day bandh to protest this discrimination.
Hand : Lets support Left in this issue ,then they may support us on nuclear deal.
IITian : Here also the ratio is around 1:1 :(
A very hard working intelligent smart person (The author of this post) : Even the monkeys are sitting in the shade and we are standing here like idiots.
Saffrons : Since the author of this post supports them, he has no intention of writing about them in the blog and causing them trouble.
Harry potter : psss bllss rssss( he is talking in parcel tongue)
Upendra : Ella OK enu ding-dong naditilla yake?
Human Activist : Humans are also animals.There should be one cage for humans also (I strongly suggest he should be the human inside the cage, but some may feel that he might be a good specimen for chimpanzee )
A good feminist : The female species have no respect here.
Politician: NO vote bank, no use.
Former CM : Appana mate kelolla inna 500 generation back maatu keloke agutta ?
Former CM father: Its a new form of Land mafia. They have illegally occupied land meant of for poor mannina makkalu like me.
Godfather :You are not making an offer I cannot refuse.
Eric Cartman : The world doesn't need less intelligent species like them, send them to concentration camp.
His fellow men: Hail Fuhrer!!!
Sheldon : There is no reason why one should go all the way to a zoo, pay 5 Rs and watch an animal, when he can do the same by sitting in front of his laptop and by logging into http://www.discovery.com/members/animals/view 3d image.htm.The whole process is a waste of ones money and time.I have better work to do.
Wednesday, 12 March 2008
“Start the game already”
“Here comes the king of losers”
About 2 months back one would have heard these words while walking in our wing , the taunts of Age of Empires .
For those of you who does nor know Age of Empires is a bit addictive, once you are in to the game you will just spend your time till 1 in the night playing and after that you will watch recorded game. We had a clan called GS , for Gen Sli , A term invented by Sabu for AOE. We had 8 to 10 guys in our clan, from Godav and Alak. Some weekends we have played from 2 in afternoon to 2 in night.
Our standard of playing was prettydecent, better than many in IIT, but some like Hitler Kaka Beeper Bond were far better than us.
Our AOE in IIT started with Chunda and Sabu getting Computers. Initially we used to play 1 on 1. As we got more comps we started playing in teams. Our first senior opponent was Gollum. I still remember the way he started talking about AOE with us “Macha don’t get addicted da….” which is what even we say now to others.I used to spend nearly 3 hours everyday playing Age of Empires. But we have greatly improved from the days we started. Initially we used to play Death matches then, Imperial Age fights , Feudal Rush , Castle age Knights so on and so forth.
And just before quiz 1 it happened , one of the the great event of 21st century. Napoleon went home for weekend , On the Friday night me and Green Beret played 2 games after which we stopped playing AOE just like the way Forest Gump stopped running, for no good reason. We have not started again at least me , dickens and Green Beret .Its a month we played AOE , but Napoleon is still playing, sadly he still wants France under his thumb.
Friday, 1 June 2007
Guidelines to write a suicide letter
1. Choosing of the paper.
While choosing the paper one needs to consider the following
It should indicate your sorrow, grief and anger.
It should be of matching colour with that of the writing pen.
As one says face is the index of mind. The letter is the index of your grief.
The paper should be of good quality should… it should last longer than you of course.
Considering the above points I would suggest to choose any colour other than black ,preferably white.
But bright fluorescent colors are not advisable.
2. Choosing the ink
It should be of matching color with that of the writing paper.( Not like writng on a brown paper
using black pen)
You can write using sketch pen , pen, pencil, blood ( risks are involved in this) , color pencil.
Write using only one instrument, don't use 2 or 3 kind of colors to give bright impression, It may mislead the reader , that you are writing the letter just for fun.
Black indicate sorrow while red gives indication of anger and also makes him think that you have written using blood :)
You may loose conciousness in extracting blood from your body.
3. Writing religious symbol on the top of the letter
You can write "shree", "om", "om ganeshaya namaha" on top of the letter , it implies you are a religious person. It may also help you to get some punya or so .
If you are an atheist , I request you not to write anything just for show off.
5.Whom to address
You can address the letter to your beloved ones or to police depending on whom you trust more. You must remember that if you write it to some of your loved ones others are bound to get zealous.
6. What to write
1. Why did you commit suicide
2. What was your ambition in life
3. If you hate anyone their names.
4. Your last wish, if any
5. Whom do you love most
What not to write
What not to write
1. Who should take care of your assets – You can write these only on a stamp paper attested by a notary, but remember no notary will sign for a suicide letter unless you pay him satisfactorly.
2. You should not write how are you going to commit suicide as it gives hint for them. How to save your life.
Enjoy whatever you are doing.
Enjoy whatever you are doing.
Sunday, 13 May 2007
1. Psychological disorders in dolphins due to variation in global warming rate.
2. Fashion designed by Robert Clive and its effect in Fashion design in 1970's
3. Cooking varieties possible from Banana and its usage in day today life.
4. chemotherapy ill affects on Male Chimpanzees in Africa during 1955.
5. Solar energy applications in Prehistoric world.
6. Why cant 43 be the answer why it must be 42 itself.
7. Nostradamus predictions on 22th Indian Vice President.
8. The number of bad words used in first 20 minutes of the movie Departed
9. Who is better Larry Page or Sergey Brin
10. Person N : Open Sesame and the rock moves and the door opens.
Wednesday, 14 March 2007
Today, with Physics department sponsorship, we the Physics Department students went to SriHariKota Satellite Launch Centre. They call it SHAR, an abbreviation of Sriharikota Range but I cannot understand how they got SHAR from Sriharikota Range. Its very hard to describe what I saw there, as it's nearly impossible to believe what I saw.
We left institute around 6 in the morning and reached there at 9. For the first time in institute, I got up as early as 4:45, but I felt it was worth it. The breakfast was nice , a thousand times better the the same old mess food. We were then taken to 2nd Satellite launch pad where a PSLV satellite is being integrated now. It was awesome.
The facility they had is an eighty meter tall building with a door nearly as tall. It can hold a PSLV, which is about 60 meters tall inside it. I personally felt PSLV is too thin, just 2.8 meters in diameter which is the size of a normal room. Its extremely difficult to believe, that they can actually transfer such a huge Rocket for 1 km on rails by just hinging them at the bottom using a just a single Bhogi.
The 1st launch pad was much more amazing. Its a 4000 ton metallic structure in which a satellite can be integrated. The plus point is that this structure can be moved on rails as if it is a car. We then went to the Launch Pad where just 4 weeks back the temperature was 3000k, during the last launch.
We also saw the control Station from which all the great satellites of INDIA have been launched. I really felt that our country is advancing at its best ability in this field.
Be proud to be an INDIAN !!!!
Tuesday, 20 February 2007
1. Play Age of Empires for 4 hours a day.
Benefits : It increases your ability to locate small objects, increases your military strategies which are extremely useful during the next war waged by the George the 7th of Useless Storage of Arms. The manager is just trying to convert "useless" in the name of his stores to "useful". However if you don't like violence you can learn how to mine gold so that you can gift it to your love.
2. See 1 movie every 2 days.
Benefits : It improves your listening abilities (you can use them in the class if needed), teaches you how to act in very difficult situations (like what should you do when you are being attacked by alien spaceships, how to escape from a prison etc.) and more importantly your knowledge in that language.
3. Chat* with your room neighbors, if you don't have one, some friends will also do.
Benefits : Improves your general knowledge and communication skills.
*If you are an IITian and do not understand the meaning of chat it is also called "gen fart".
4. Orkutting for 1 hr.
(If you don't know what to do for one hour in orkut ,just visit your friends' friends' profiles)
Benefits : Makes you get involved more in society and helps others to know your tastes in various fields.
5. Watching 250 hours of a small MEGA Serial.
Benefits : As most of the serials nowadays deal with family problems, you may also get fruitful tips regarding them which you may use now or in the near future.
6. Checking my blog everyday for updates
Benefits:It may give you direct transmission from Alien ship 442.254 located in M-47 in Orion Crab Nebula, however it would be nice if you know how to read it.
Are you wondering how I got these many wonderful ideas? Lately I read many personality development books and the majority of them stress on positive thinking .One of them by Robin Sharma says "Don't think negatively at any cost."On reading these things I understood the importance of positive thinking and these are the first few positive thoughts that entered my mind, as soon as I finished that book.
"You liked this blog very much. If not, thinking positively my style of writing cannot be appreciated by an Идиот."
If you do not know the meaning of the above mentioned word, try to find it. Even if you don't succeed you will become aware of its meaning.